Bhoot Returns

A family ( Chakravarthy, Manisha Koirala and their daughter) enters a new house. House is haunted by a ghost called Shabbo who finds a liking to a small girl and then the night games begin.

As with most of the clich\xe9d horror movies, strange things start happening and like 'paranormal activity' it keeps happening every night but thankfully this is not a found footage film.

Instead what you see is Rgv's tribute to the props in movies. He is the only film maker who gives so much importance to props in his movies. They are almost like characters.

I can imagine the prop guys watching this movie together and going "yeh mera prop hai".

These days I watch an Rgv film for sadistic pleasure. I find something or the other in every film that entertains me.

In this film I found two humorous scenes and his innovative ways of using 3d. Imagine you are looking at Chakravarthy's face in the morning from the point of view of a wash basin sink. Only Rgv can think of doing that.

Raat still remains the last best horror made in Hindi cinema. Neither Bhoot nor any other Rgv film has topped it yet. I remember him telling me once that he made Bhoot to better Raat. I think he has been regressing in the horror genre since he made Raat.

Word of mouth - for those you derive cheap thrills from aahat and fear files, Bhoot returns is mildly scary.

Rating - 2 ( Below Average)

Ticket meter - worth 100 bucks.

Bhoot Returns is made by one of my favorite filmmakers in the country. I wished to continue being a fan and not berate him on account of what he is making these days. To be fair, even when his reputation had already crashed and burned, he gave two very good films - Rann (2010) and Sarkar Raj (2008). This is when he was making stinkers like RGV Ki Aag (2007) and Agyaat (2009). We tend to pre-judge how the movie would be on the basis of the filmmaker and his annoying antics. I still hoped the filmmaker who gave us Raat (1992), Kaun (1999) and Bhoot (2003) would “return”.

Not only does he NOT return, he shows absolutely no skill whatsoever. It's as if a novice filmmaker went backwards and forgot he ever wanted to make movies. It is lazily conceptualized and clumsily executed. Mr. Varma has been struggling with making something worthwhile in 2 dimensions. Now he adds one more dimensions and it is not a treat for us. There are several horror movie clich\xe9s like let's slowly walk around the house at night alone. Let's hear strange noises for 10 scenes. There's also a bad Paranormal Activity hangover this film suffers from.

Manisha Koirala and J.D. Chakravarthy play a couple that moves into a new house. They actually move straight into a horror movie. We don't get to know them. We don't care for them or what may happen to them. They have a son and a daughter. It's the daughter that sees a ghost called Shabbo. She plays with a doll, which was apparently given to her by the ghost. Here's the thing: the daughter is Ram Gopal Varma, the doll is the camera (his toy) and he is possessed by the ghost of bad moviemaking. We are Manisha Koirala who wants to slap the child because well, something has to be done.

In a scene, the ghost makes weird sounds which resemble a cow. The characters think it isn't human. You morons, it's a cow! Of course it isn't human! There is a servant called Laxman who they think is playing tricks on them while he only seems to be shit scared. They want to catch him red-handed. Of course, you morons, your own daughter has been talking about Shabbo and acting retarded but no, it is the servant. Sure.

Bhoot Returns is a visual and aural attack. There is a scene where a character brings a knife so close to the screen we feel it's about to pierce our eye. Laxman while watering the plants decides to water the camera and throw it on our eyes. J.D. while washing his face decides to help us wash our eyes. Now I know what the blind woman feels who never wanted to cross the road in the first place. Imagine all these RGV shots from under the sink, table, stairs or weird inconsequential things in the foreground; yes it is all there. Mind you, this is all shot with a telephoto lens. Now imagine all of this in 3D. Are you one of those people who get a headache with 3D? I urge you to stay away from this technical disaster.

The ears also aren't spared either with every scene boasting thankless spook music, which is meant to make you jump. Added to that, there is a ludicrous background score that seems to be more confused than we are. It first makes you feel you're in a Chris Columbus film then jumps to horror movie music when absolutely nothing is happening on screen. At least, wait for a jump scare, please. The Foley is a complete hack job. The voice dubbing is terrible and I don't mean the kind where you can see the characters mouthing something and you hear something else. (Well there is that too when in a scene Manisha is clearly seen saying 5 year old daughter but we hear 6). The emotion with which the characters speak does not correspond with what we see. All these ultimately contribute to a cerebral attack. Your brain feels numb and not in a good way. (Is there a good way? Yes.)

Mr. Varma publicly attacked a successful filmmaker recently. To be honest, what he does in his personal life is of no interest to me, what he does on screen is. But you can't ignore it if the filmmaker keeps stashing his pile of crap in the name of making movies. It is embarrassing and shameful. Sticking to what I see on screen, I see dead movies and I don't like it. You are *this* close to losing a fan, Mr. Varma.

There was a legend in the making called Ram Gopal Varma. He made masterpieces like Rangeela, Satya & Company. Then the times changed.Over the last few years, he decided to use HD cameras & go freestyle on them, resulting in very jarring visual experiences.

This is one of those experiences.

RGV's follow up to the highly entertaining spook-fest Bhoot hits screens this week. The story remains textbook horror film of bhoot taking over baby in a haunted house. Agreed he showcases every bit of 3-D there is to showcase but sadly, it gets to you by the 5th minute.

Few pointers to note:

1. Its not scary (only 2 good thrills )

2. The 3D, while superb in isolation, is irritating in the film

3. Everyone except Manisha Koirala are acting disasters

4. WARNING: THE BACKGROUND SCORE IS POSSIBLY THE WORST FOR A HINDI FILM THIS YEAR. IT BLARES AT DEAFINING LEVELS FOR MOST OF IT

Sadly for a man who has given us so much of great cinema, its unfortunate to see him being relegated to making trashy films like this. The best part of this film are the posters. Avoid