Watching movies with weird names and an unknown star cast are usually like shooting in the dark. They can either be classy, low-budget films or crappy, low-budget ones that look more like Shakti Kapoor and Queen Latifahs wet dream.
Both cases work on the premise that people are idiots. Everyone who shoots in the dark is. So I'll lay down a few ground rules, inspired by Impatient Vivek, that'll serve as a template for you to recognize the new age Bollywood B-grade flick :
1.A hero whose name you don't know, and who looks like a plumber who worked his way up to become a bus conductor.
2.An overweight heroine whose boobs pop out in what I'm guessing is meant to be just a show of cleavage.
3.The actors look like rejects from a Splitsvilla audition.
4.People say 'Fuck' and 'Chutiya' mindlessly to justify the adult rating.
5.Condoms are shown. And not even the new ones with names more suited for a triple sundae, but the old ones like 'Nirodh'
6.There are mostly English dialogues. Written by people who cant write English, and delivered by people who cant speak English.
(Why keep English dialogues when its meant for a Hindi speaking audience?)
Of course, the fundamental flaw with my template is that you still have to watch the movie to figure it out. With practice you'll be able to decide which movie to 'dump', and which movie to keep in the 'safe zone'. This cultivated eye will then lead you to comparatively classy cinema. Like Tees Maar Khan and Golmaal.
If despite all that, you still want to know the story, I'm pointing at you and laughing. Just like the world seemed to do to me when I left the hall.
In a nutshell- Guy loves girl. Girl is loved by other guys. Most prominent guy on the poster gets the girl.
Having anything to do with this movie is bad for your self-esteem. Someone just flushed a lot of extra money down the toilet.
Because the product stinks.
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Both cases work on the premise that people are idiots. Everyone who shoots in the dark is. So I'll lay down a few ground rules, inspired by Impatient Vivek, that'll serve as a template for you to recognize the new age Bollywood B-grade flick :
1.A hero whose name you don't know, and who looks like a plumber who worked his way up to become a bus conductor.
2.An overweight heroine whose boobs pop out in what I'm guessing is meant to be just a show of cleavage.
3.The actors look like rejects from a Splitsvilla audition.
4.People say 'Fuck' and 'Chutiya' mindlessly to justify the adult rating.
5.Condoms are shown. And not even the new ones with names more suited for a triple sundae, but the old ones like 'Nirodh'
6.There are mostly English dialogues. Written by people who cant write English, and delivered by people who cant speak English.
(Why keep English dialogues when its meant for a Hindi speaking audience?)
Of course, the fundamental flaw with my template is that you still have to watch the movie to figure it out. With practice you'll be able to decide which movie to 'dump', and which movie to keep in the 'safe zone'. This cultivated eye will then lead you to comparatively classy cinema. Like Tees Maar Khan and Golmaal.
If despite all that, you still want to know the story, I'm pointing at you and laughing. Just like the world seemed to do to me when I left the hall.
In a nutshell- Guy loves girl. Girl is loved by other guys. Most prominent guy on the poster gets the girl.
Having anything to do with this movie is bad for your self-esteem. Someone just flushed a lot of extra money down the toilet.
Because the product stinks.
view less
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