Tees Maar Khan

Farah Khan is no longer just a choreographer or a film maker. She now represents a brand of movies. Movies that are loud, slapstick and full of mas... read more

Farah Khan is no longer just a choreographer or a film maker. She now represents a brand of movies. Movies that are loud, slapstick and full of masala. This time though she has outdone herself. Tees Maar Khan is out of the box slapstick humor which is not funny after a certain time into the movie. Having said that I am sure there might be a divided opinion about this flick. Some people might love it and most people are going to hate it. I am a fan of the Farah Khan brand of movies and I went for this movie with no prejudices in my mind but came back highly disappointed.

Tabrez Khan (Akki) is a wanted criminal who calls himself Tees Maar Khan because he believes that he is the greatest con man alive. One certain Johri brothers who are Siamese twins hire TMK to rob a train that carries their loot. TMK decides to con an entire village into helping him rob the train. He organizes a film shoot in the village and hires a superstar (Akshaye Khanna) so that no one will suspect him. What follows is some mindless/ logic less sequence of events with TMK ultimately regaining his share of the loot.

The movie starts of with some witty humor but soon gets too slapstick. There are absolutely unnecessary songs in between. The Sallu song is unfathomable. The film almost becomes a spoof at times. A couple of jokes here and there tickle your funny bone but the rest of the movie is a torture. In the end it turns out to be neither a spoof nor a sensible comedy.

This is Vishal-Shekhar's 4th album in a short space of time and also their weakest. Only Sheila Ki Jawani stands out as a catchy number. The title track credit goes to Shirish Kunder. Apparently Sonu Nigam has sung it in 52 different voices which is the only reason this song becomes interesting to listen.

Akshay Kumar should take a break, his style of acting and comedy is getting too monotonous and repetitive. Katrina plays the role of a bimbette to perfection. She looks a million bucks as well and might be the sole reason why you want to watch this film. Raghu - Ram are funny initially but later on it gets too repetitive.

Shirish Kunder is credited for the story and screenplay and should take the blame to an extent as well. Farah Khan disappoints as a director mainly for her fans. Her detractors will always say, "I told you so."

Overall there should not be a reason for you to watch this one in my opinion. In the end it was a smart move by a certain Khan to opt out of this one.

Rating:
Hate mindless comedies? Don't watch it even if you get a free ticket.
Farah Khan brand fan? you can watch Om Shanti Om again.
Choice for the weekend? Absolutely not.
Love slapstick? Go for it.

Repeat Value: It was pretty hard for me the first time around
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What are the two things you require in abundance to enjoy 'Tees Maar Khan'?Impossibly low expectations (or none) and an utter disdain for anything ... read more

What are the two things you require in abundance to enjoy 'Tees Maar Khan'?

Impossibly low expectations (or none) and an utter disdain for anything remotely connected to logic, reasoning or good taste.

If you possess any of the above you might laugh more than thrice during the entire running length of this latest cinematic creation from Farah Khan. The ease with which Shirish Kunder (credited with the story and dialogues) & Farah Khan maul Peter Sellers' 1966 comedy 'After the Fox' beyond recognition is truly baffling since the original was no hot potato either but compared to this monstrosity it seems like a classic.

The plot perfunctory at best involves a con artist Tabrez Mirza Khan A.K.A. Tees Maar Khan (Akshay Kumar) who can crack any lock in this world just as easily as he can slip out of custody. He's hired by the Johri Brothers (Ram & Raghu), who for no apparent reason are Siamese twins, to steal back their consignment of gold that was confiscated by the cops. We are told then that the gold shall be transported by train and simple logistics suggest that to pull off a job of this magnitude and transport so much gold would require a crew of atleast 300 people. Khan comes up with an elaborate plan which would have him convince an entire village that hes shooting a film there and in the process unwittingly involve them in the robbery. To make the film look authentic he also convinces an Oscar-crazy Bollywood star, Aatish Kapoor (Akshaye Khanna) to be part of the film, promising him a long-desired Oscar. The rest of the running length involves the shooting of the faux film leading upto the heist.

Shirish Kunder must have thought that his constant banter and in-jokes about the industry must have been witty, fresh and cool but honestly they are nothing but a means to make you squirm in your chair and constantly look at your watch. Relentless politically incorrect humor about skin color reaches its nadir when an albino is picked to play a British officer and made to chew gum so that he appears to be speaking and Akshay Kumar can ad-lib his lines. Be it the 'Day-Ho' jibes at A.R. Rahman's 'Jai Ho' or the abundant crass "Gay" humor, everything is overdone till the point of leaving a bad taste in your mouth. Its almost like the makers were trying to test your patience.

Though I didn't particularly like it, 'Sheila Ki Jawani' still manages to be one of the liveliest things in the film. The other songs play no role in the film other than padding up the running length.

The acting unsurprisingly lives upto the material by being loud, over-the-top and hammy as hell. Akshay Kumar for ages has been able to play only one character and that is himself and that involves a lot of walking in slow motion and/or smirking. Katrina Kaif actually acquits herself well as the bimbo trying to make it big in the movie industry but whats with the accent? Sorry my bad, in a movie this stupid why would I even bother asking how come someone has an accent alien to any Indian one. Akshaye Khanna's pretty desperate these days if hes been reduced to this kind of buffoonery.

'Tees Maar Khan' possesses nothing that it can offer as entertainment worthy; this weekend the only ability it'll possesses is to con people into watching it thanks to the marketing campaign and the names associated with it. Beware, you have been warned. view less

Internal Bias: I dont like Akshay Kumar but I love Farah Khans moviesCaught in the crossfire between these two biases I think Farah Khan won for me... read more

Internal Bias: I dont like Akshay Kumar but I love Farah Khans movies

Caught in the crossfire between these two biases I think Farah Khan won for me. I laughed a lot through the movie (whole heartedly, not the wry smirk variety) and that is for me a measure of the films watch worthiness.

Unfortunately, one cannot ignore the fact that the laughs came out of scenes and not out of the story as such. Which makes you wonder if you are watching a movie or a sit com. That is the problem with TMK. You may laugh through the 2.5 hours but when you come out and start thinking and the flaws jump right out of your brain where they had been hiding behind the giggles, you know there is a problem.

And that problem is Akshay Kumar. For a caper like this to work the actor has to take the role seriously. He cannot spoof a spoof and then expect us to believe in what he is doing on screen. Treating the entire movie like an inside joke alienates the audience from the story even as it laughs at the jokes.

In the debate on whether SRK would have done this better, the vote was unanimous. The winning argument of course is that SRK can make you believe in the character and even root for him (of course, the fact that each character comes stamped with SRK mannerisms is beside the point). But SRK, by respecting the character he is playing gives a film a life of its own that Akshay cannot pull off. The only thing that he can pull off without looking ridiculous is the scarf around his neck. SRK would have looked ridiculous in it.

The scene stealers are of course Katrina and Akshay Khanna as the superstar hankering for an Oscar. They provide the real laughs and treats in the movie. And of course I love the end credits done in true Farah style.

You can enjoy this movie if you imagine you are back at a college reunion where even the silliest joke evokes unbridled laughter simply because you are in the mood for it. So regress and enjoy and pray that SRK and Farah Kahn make up before her next movie.
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Well, what do I write? Tees Maar Khan is the most bogus, absurd and shabbiest film of the entire era! If Farah Khan had decided to part ways with K... read more

Well, what do I write? Tees Maar Khan is the most bogus, absurd and shabbiest film of the entire era! If Farah Khan had decided to part ways with King Khan, she should have been smart enough to at least come up with a good film to lure the audience. But, forget the audience getting lured by this film, they will prefer jumping off a cliff rather than witnessing this utter non-sense. If you find someone who has triumphed in watching this entire film and come out of the theater in a nice calm mood without using any kind of abusive words, well, then salute that fella, because he has tremendous amount of mental strength and should be thoroughly applauded for his act of bravery.

Farah Khan is known for her masala elements, which are very much there in her earlier two films- Main Hoon Na and OSO, but TMK is an overdose of unwanted masalas and hence, becomes yucky and putrid. Apart from the sultry Sheila ki jawani song, there is absolutely nothing in this film to look out for. The script by Shirish Kundar and Ashmith Kunder makes no sense and the entire film is very very very shoddily directed by Farah Khan. Once, in an interview, Akshay Kumar had said "Tees Maar Khan is going to be a special film because it has the best of both worlds. Farah's talent as a director and Shirish's story-telling ability". Well, even the thought of TMK being a product dished out by a TALENTED DIRECTOR and a GREAT STORY TELLER of Bollywood, is very funny. Akshay Kumar must have been out of his senses, when he made such a statement!

Apart from Akshay Khanna and Arya Babbar, the act put up by all the other actors comes across as a stupid farce. Akshay Kumar has hammered his own foot by doing this film. Katrina Kaif should realize that its high time that she starts acting and should stop being a blondie-bimbo. The three cronies of Akshay Kumar definitely complement each other well but the performances delivered by them is not up to the mark. Murli Sharma and Aman Verma do not make you laugh even once, although they have tried too hard to by funny. Apara Mehta plays a melodramatic mother, that she is, and therefore, is convincing enough. Akshay Khanna is a surprise package! He has delivered an extra-ordinary performance. Sudhir Pandey is fantastic. The film could do without Sachin Khedekar and Vijay Patkar. Arya Babbar has performed well, and is not too loud but just has the right amount of loudness that was required for his character.

Music by Vishal-Shekhar is disappointing when compared to their other works. Apart from Sheila ki jawani, none of the tracks are catchy enough. Wallah-re-Wallah is a song that comes out of the blue in the film, although Sallu miya makes it look good by his presence, it surely doesn't sound good.

The film crosses the limit of being melodramatic, loud and stupid.
Farah's attempt at making a comedy film= NONSENSE.
Over all, this film is an insult to the audience.

STARS: Are you kidding me? In-fact, watch TMK and you might just see stars above your head! The half star has been given above because it is mandatory to rate here.

DO NOT GO FOR IT! view less

Beware of Farah KhanAgenciesNew Delhi, Dec 24If you have not been able to book tickets for Tees Maar Khan yet, rejoice at your good luck. In the bi... read more

Beware of Farah Khan
Agencies
New Delhi, Dec 24

If you have not been able to book tickets for Tees Maar Khan yet, rejoice at your good luck. In the biggest heist of the year, there have been reports of widespread swindling throughout the country wherein gullible audiences are flocking to theatres in hordes, paying money for a humbug act by Akshay Kumar and company. Innocent viewers enticed by the gala marketing campaign were seen shaking their heads in disbelief after the first show as the con they intended to see onscreen was being played out on them, the movie being utter garbage.

---This is one news item I would like to see in tomorrow's newspapers---

This can easily be a Business school case study, as to how you can still rake in enough moolah even after discovering that you have a dud on hand. Farah Khan would have recognized this much early, and instead of utilizing the time in improving the story or shooting some better sequences, she launched a massive marketing campaign, appearing on all major television shows alongwith Katrina and Akshay, flaunting the item number with aplomb and creating buzz out of absolutely nothing of a story.

A film on a con artiste needs to have atleast 4-5 decent cons - take Bunty Bubli, Oye Lucky as examples. TMK has broadly two long-drawn cons to offer, both of which are extremely unimaginative and intertwined with a lot of gibberish, where everybody takes 15 seconds to speak "TEEEEES MAAAR KHAAAANNNN" and TMK himself words the tawaif dialogue. Both of these occur on numerous occasions thus irritating the viewer to no end. Add to it the really stupid act by Katrina (wannabe actress) and 3 estrogen-injected cronies, and we actually have a 2 hour long session where everybody lauds the hero. Not once does he display any act of ingenuity or crookedness which might delight the audience.

The one-two sequences which might have induced some laughter have already been hacked to death because of the numerous trailers airing for quite some time now. The Sheila track comes within the first 15 minutes, and the other popular number "Wallah Wallah" appears out of nowhere simply as a gesture of goodwill to Sallu Miyan. It has no connection whatsoever to the storyline and seems to have been inserted much later to increase the runtime and rake in even more people.

As for Akshay Kumar, the lesser said the better. The guy has had nothing to offer but disappointment this year, and he is in no mood to do penance. Katrina Kaif is believable as a dumb bimbette, almost portraying herself in real life. Raghu Rajiv and Sachin Khedekar have now played havoc with their image, the former two being reduced to dumb crooks from feared Roadie judges. God knows what got into Khedekar, who was once known for serious roles in better quality cinema. The only believable and slightly better acts came from Akshaye Khanna and Sudhir Pandey, who play a superstar and his manager respectively.

Farah Khan is going seriously downhill - Main Hoon Na was a delight, OSO was decent, but this one makes you puke with disgust. view less