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A movie that no lifeguard could save

  • Samedha Arora

    Samedha Arora (3,176 DM Points)

    Rated 
    2.0
    Desimartini | Updated - June 02, 2017 10:19 PM IST
    2.8DM (2620 ratings)

    Verdict - baseless plot and cheesy humor certainly deserves a miss

    BaywatchWatch trailerRelease date : June 02, 2017

    The reason why 90s television show Baywatch was iconic because of easy access to half naked women on television and the iconic thing that is carried forward in its 2017 reboot is that iconic red spandex swimsuit, because guess what in 2017 you have better access to half naked men and women.

    This R-Rated sloppy remake is quashed with baseless plot, buffoonish acting, mindless vulgarity sprinkled with poor dad jokes for new age adults. Weak direction makes you wonder whether it's action, crime drama, comedy or just a silly tribute to the 90s show. Baywatch lost it, big time.

    Plot is minimal and tardy. The film is about Mitch's (Johnson) beach patrol team, Stephanie (Ilfenesh Hadera), athletic Summer (Alexandra Daddario), good-hearted CJ (Kelly Rohrbach) and nerdy Ronnie (Jon Bass), have a difficult time getting on the same page with the addition of new recruit Matt Brody (Zac Efron), a disgraced Olympic swimming champion hired to the team as a PR stunt. Things take turn when Baywatch team will stop Victoria Leeds (Priyanka Chopra) and the femme fatale's nefarious drug smuggling plans to take over the bay.

    Johnson is his usual, cheerful self - you expect him to end every beatdown with a "Nothing personal, bro." Daddario is pert and pretty as the new Girl in the Swimsuit with huge, constantly surprised blue eyes and the locations are gorgeous. Zac Efron just has some poor script lines with lots of abs. Our Indian beauty Priyanka Chopra plays the antagonist of Baywatch who along with a weak plot falls too. But really with this screen progression, expectactions are supposed to be boxed up.

    While the Baywatch team planned to clear out their beach from drugs, nobody bothered about the sleeping pills this movie induced in my brain. The film might be bigger than the original from the production budget to the muscles but in the end it is just what it is- cheesy humor with red spandex suits.

    A lot of the humor just doesn't connect and tries way too hard, from one dude getting his junk stuck in a beach chair to a running gag involving salad. Chopra, whose villainess seems bored by the whole situation, would rather be eviling it up in a James Bond movie, and the fireworks-laden climax is full of punch but leans predictable and lacks excitement.

    Everything one would expect in a Baywatch movie -- cleavage, bouncing body parts, constant flexing and the excessive use of slo-mo -- is present the script however is not, if this film was supposed to be a comedy, it failed. If it was supposed to be a satire, it failed. If it was supposed to be a crime movie, it failed and if it was supposed to be just a movie, it failed there too. Pamela Anderson would be very sad.

    That leaves the inevitable conclusion that the people who need saving the most here are a likable cast with nothing to do but look good in a movie that's otherwise a conceptual disaster. The only good thing about this movie is the photography which is in places even better than it needs to be but Baywatch is just a poor directed 2 decades old tasteless platter. The reason to watch this is if you were a Baywatch fan in the 90s. Dear new audience, watch the old show and stay away from this one.

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