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Blood Soup and Broken Furniture

  • Ankur Pathak

    Ankur Pathak (50 DM Points)

    Desimartini | Updated - June 07, 2013 12:11 AM IST
    3.5DM (905 ratings)

    Verdict - Unintentionally Funny, Boring still

    The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1Watch trailerRelease date : November 24, 2011

    The Twilight Saga's Breaking Dawn : Part 1, based on Stephanie Meyer's best-seller is not only a frighteningly painful movie to sit through, it also qualifies for all the top honors at the Razzies (the counterpart's of the Academy awards) next year.

    The film also confirms a heavyweight assumption of how studio bosses can shamelessly go to any extent to maximize their revenues, blindly ignoring the unmissable flaw: that you do not posses enough content to suffice for an entire movie.

    So in this stretch of unending boredom, made even more annoying by its cast of glamorously untalented actors, (Taylor Lautner's act deserves distinction) the story-line tries its very best to slow down scenes and add unnecessary exposition , in order to accommodate itself for a standard feature.

    Bella marries Edward is a stunningly shot wedding sequence, where her pre-wedding jitters dreamily manifest into a nightmarish tombstone at the end of the aisle, topped by a crowd of bleeding corpses.

    After the nuptials is the almost fairytale honeymoon off the Rio coast, to a distant island where an enviably luxurious villa awaits the duo, all stocked with deceptively warm-looking housekeepers. Between the sheets of the idealistically fantastical bedrooms that speak of contemporary royalty, the elaborate furniture is shattered during the nights of supernaturally robust passion, bruised backs, and then unintentionally funny lines like, "Last night was the most *insert sexual term* of my existence' are spoken with expressions, well which don't speak but just blankly stare, awaiting an equally, sexually somber revert.

    Unsurprisingly, Bella's gone preggers expecting something like a cross-breed between a human and a vampire (who knows, werewolf, maybe). Now she must be fed with blood-soup in order to prevent her ribs from cracking, by the unborn God-knows-what. Add to the impending extension, Jacob's breed (apart form him) have already smelled potential threat and are gearing up, like always (remember the battle-that-never-came in Eclipse?) to elimintae it first-hand.

    What's primarily wrong with this picture, is again, the fact its been divided. Meyer's literature isn't rich enough for it to be fractionally enjoyed, like the makers try to pass it as. She might have realized that she ain't no JK Rowling, but screenwriter Mellisa Rosenberg still hopes to outrun Steve Kloves, and fails devastatingly.

    Frankly, even if i were a Twi-hard, i'd reject this model of showcasing absolutely uninspiring, and conceptually shallow threesome-marathon.

    Most of the laughter comes when you see the entire cast so stone-cold and grave, speaking coyly written lines, and assuming its some seriously life-altering, or morally-challenging banter that's going on.

    The film's only respite is its camera work, which benefits even more because of the exotic locations. Musical interspersion's add to the imagery as well, giving the film the fantasy appeal. Billy Condon (he made the BRILLIANT Gods and Monsters) directs this one : he doesn't do anything better. One can easily visualize his frustration on the non-actors as his past record assures he has a stern eye, but hopeless as the case here is, with no scope for replacements.

    Breaking Dawn - half - could hardly have been an exciting set-up, for its lack of substance and so it isn't. What it is, is a safe skip, watchable only if you want to leisure out on a guilty-pleasure trip.

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