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  • Ankur Pathak

    Ankur Pathak (50 DM Points)

    Desimartini | Updated - November 26, 2013 12:54 PM IST
    3.7DM (1290 ratings)
    Transformers: Dark of the MoonWatch trailerRelease date : June 29, 2011

    I remember coming out shell-shocked and disoriented after watching a ridiculously crafted film called Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, a couple of years back.

    Ok, it had Megan Fox. And I regained my course, all right. And then I wasnt complaining all that too much.

    This one got a Victoria Secret model who parades in her underwear indulging in some sweet-talk with boyfriend Sam (Shia LaBeouf) as we are introduced to the human part (and the easily comprehensible one, too) of the mammoth disaster this week that is Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon.

    Call it a karmic incidence, or doubt it as deliberate but just like X-Men which altered historic events (best left to a certain Mr. Tarantino) to accommodate the supernatural, this one as well, changes the intentions as to why Neil Armstrong actually landed on the moon. Yes, theres the entire pre-recorded Nixon speech incorporated as well, which in effect is unproductive and doesnt do much as the connection itself is quite fickle.

    Actually the entire film sails on a plot as slim as that models waistline. Let me attempt a brief here. A massive ship (MV Wisdom is the latest popular. Ok, sorry) crashed on moon, well the black part of the moon. Hey! Not fair, pun intended. Now no one gets the opportunity to call their sweeties, Chand sa chamakta chehra You might just want to check the facts this Michael Bay has got!

    So, the massive crash alerts our insolent executives at NASA who jump into action. They research in their white cabinets with seemingly stunning gadgets and send teams and then we are taken to a present-day Chernobyl site, I assume. The sketchy characters who are the most boring ones blabber some stuff about a potential threat. Only that the threat is not like a US Prez threat. It is to the entire human race and the planet it inhabits.

    Michael Bay You should go on a date with the steely boa constrictor that slammed Chicago, to the Moon. And with a mile-long telescope you should watch your own film. In 3D.

    Do I make the faintest of sense? Im sure, I dont. Ill tell you a mighty co-incidence? The film matches my non-sensibilities too.

    So we get to witness unending heavy-metal gang wars, their mechanical friendship and motorized betrayal which seem dimmer than they actually are. Then our hero Sam goes on a Chicago-expedition where the cruel Transformers have taken base, primarily to safely extract trophy girlfriend. A lot of emotionless madness, double-crossing, earth-shattering ensures.

    In midst of catastrophe with magnitude as this, the lead characters, none of who flaunt many acting bones, are drafted scenes which include the corniest dialogues written ever. Its even worse when what they are trying to imply is to be life-altering, and supposed to have a philosophical context inscribed as well.

    Its a miracle the British hottie is best left sprinting and screaming and not saying things seriously. So the Megan Fox proxy gets to say lines like, Guys, look there. Thats about it.
    If I wasnt watching my popcorn 3 dimensionally or sulking over the uncomfortable cushions, I was watching the film, at times, without the glares. You can only watch so much metal madness erupting among ugly-looking massive bodies. Bay assures them close to an hour, which is supposed to be your optimistic climax.

    Shia LaBeof with a little glory from his previous two attempts seems to flash his confidence a little too much. Getting over-aggressive and being over-joyal, (only when with Bumblebee, and not when with the Sexiest Woman in the World!) he is mostly frustrated or angry or fuming. That is how he comes about his part.

    Great actors like John Malkovich, Frances McDormand are painfully under-utilized with caricature treatment. Why, Bay, why?

    With a limping story devoid of rationale and soul , and with really bad performances, add to the mounting troubles - bad dialogue, topping the nastiest Hollywood money spinners ever made is Dark of the Moon.

    Predictably, it will see many visitors. Do not complain that you were not warned.

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