Manoj Bajpayee Reveals He Was Suicidal After Constant Rejection, Recalls His Struggle: I Didn’t Fit The Ideal ‘Hero’ Face

The journey to fame and fortune in Bollywood is no doubt an uphill battle. Bollywood actor Manoj Bajpayee is the latest star to have spoken about his struggles and how rejection once brought him close to having suicidal thoughts. The actor spoke of his journey in Humans of Bombay post and revealed how he never fit the ‘ideal’ hero face, was dropped off from three projects in just a day and has even been told to get out after giving just one shot.

Manoj Bajypee is known as the most versatile actors in the industry who continues to deliver prolific work one project after another. But like every outsider in Bollywood his story started with his dream. He says, “I’m a farmer’s son. I grew up in a small village in Bihar with five siblings, and we went to a hut school there. We led a simple life, but whenever we went to the city, we’d go to the theatre. I was a big Amitabh Bachchan fan– I wanted to be just like him. I was 9, but I knew that acting was my destiny.”

The actor who has recently been earning praises for his film Bhonsle which released online says that there was time he couldn’t even afford to dream. “I couldn’t afford to dream & continued my studies. Still, my mind refused to focus on anything else, so at 17, I left for DU. There, I did theatre but my family had no idea. Finally, I wrote a letter to dad–he wasn’t angry & even sent me Rs.200 to cover my fees! People back home called me ‘good for nothing’ but I turned a blind eye.”

Manoj says he was close to ending his life after his three attempts to get into National School of Drama and the fact scared his friends. “I was an outsider, trying to fit in. So, I taught myself English & Hindi–Bhojpuri was a big part of how I spoke. I then applied to NSD, but was rejected thrice. I was close to committing suicide, so my friends would sleep next to me & not leave me alone. They kept me going until I was accepted.”

“That year, I was at a chai shop when Tigmanshu came looking for me on his khatara scooter–Shekhar Kapur wanted to cast me in Bandit Queen! So I felt I was ready & moved to Mumbai. Initially, it was tough–I rented a chawl with 5 friends & looked for work, but got no roles. Once, an AD tore my photo & I’ve lost 3 projects in a day. I was even told to ‘get out’ after my 1st shot,” he continued.

From not knowing next source of income Manoj reveals how he slowly found his way in the industry, ”I didn’t fit the ideal ‘hero’ face–so they thought I’d never make it to the big screen. All the while, I struggled to make rent & at times even a vada pav was costly. But the hunger in my stomach couldn’t dissuade my hunger to succeed. After 4 years of struggle, I got a role in Mahesh Bhatt’s TV series. I got Rs.1500 per episode–my first steady income.”

The actor eventually understood he was here to stay after Staya happended and the fact remains true 67 films on. He concluded saying, “That’s the thing about dreams–when it comes to turning them into reality, the hardships don’t matter. What matters is the belief of that 9-year-old Bihari boy & nothing else.”