Vidya Balan recalls thinking her success was a fluke during the lull in her career: 'I was tough on myself'

Actor Vidya Balan on Friday said that she has been seeking help from a healer and it has brought about a positive change in her life.

The actor, known for hits like Lage Raho Munna Bhai , Ishqiya The Dirty Picture , Kahaani and Tumhari Sulu , recalled the lull phase in her career and said that it was a tough time as she began to ponder if she made any miscalculations.

But she later realised that ups and downs are part of life.

"My decisions are very instinctive, but at that time, I started to decode. There was a fear that, maybe what I've gone through is just fluke success'. The first time around when that happened, I was tough on myself."

"I was not that hard on myself this time because I was getting work and wonderful work. So, perspective, experience, all of that helped," the 43-year-old actor during ABP Network 's Ideas of India Summit.

"If a film doesn't work it does affect you, Balan said, adding, "You feel unloved when people don't go to the theatre to watch films."

The actor further revealed she has been working with a healer for 11 years now and that has helped her have perspective on many things.

She said she speaks to her healer from wherever she is and there's no need to do this personally.  

"I have been working with a healer for 11 years now and that has really helped me have perspective on things. It's a lot like therapy. She gives me a lot of tools to change the way I think."

"For example, if I'm feeling anxiety right now and I say, 'Anxiety, you can leave now', I suddenly feel a change in the way I'm breathing. It works magically, you tap certain points on your body. Healing helped me to calm down. I'm better at handling failure now. It is magical. Suddenly, I feel absolutely different," she added.

When host, senior journalist Vir Sanghvi, asked if she ever had mental health issues, Balan promptly said, "I didn't have mental health issues, but I have had hormonal issues because of the fear of judgment."

Hailing from a traditional South Indian family of well-educated people, Balan said the idea of foraying into the world of arts turned out to be scary because she was judged for everything that she did or didn't do. 

"I remember, there was a phase when I was being criticized for my body and my dressing and everything. I remember every time I stepped out for an appearance, I would bloat. It is my body and it is nobody's concern. It worried me because I felt out of control. The doctor said, there's nothing technically wrong but it is your hormones playing havoc," she added.

Balan believes she is currently in the best phase of her career presently and because of that, her health has started improving. "I'm in the best of health for the past three years," she said.