6 Reasons Why You Need A Pet Like Richard Parker

1. CREATIVITY! For those lacking some, a pet like Richard will help you think outside the boat! Boxes are anyway not a place where one would like to think.

2. REAL MEN ADOPT TIGERS, NOT PUPPIES! Richard Parker’s an outlaw. You might not be one but it’s never too late to get a pet who’ll make you feel that way. Time to be the Robin Hood of your hood, gangsta!

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3. BE ONE WITH NATURE! It’s better to go on a walk with a Richard Parker and bring some meerkats home for dinner than driving your Land Cruiser over a footpath and killing a guy or two.

4. AUTOMATIC MEMBERSHIP TO THE MILE HIGH CLUB! Spending $60,000 annually on your tiger gets you to enjoy a free glass of that luxury wine with Mike Tyson.

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5. PERFECT BODYGUARD! Princess Jasmine’s Rajah was AWESOME. Why should boys have all the fun, with their 9mm gun?

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6. THEY’RE THE IDEAL BROS! Because really, there’s no one cooler to be stuck on a boat with, not even T-Pain!